BELIEVE it or not, I had my very first kiss at a football fund raising event. In fact, a sequence of events unfolded which would have defied all betting odds!
I’ll take you right back to my shy and innocent youth – growing up on a council estate in East Finchley, North London.
All I had back then was my football and my study books as I planned to go to university. Although I was slightly too young to engage in football betting at that stage.
Anyway, I recall a number of advertising posters began cropping up around the local area – FOOTBALL FUND RAISER DISCO AT ST MARY’S - to raise money for a newly launched church football team.
Suddenly, all the lads I used to hang around with were talking about the disco – even though it was six weeks away.
“Alright mate, you going to the disco?”
“Yeah I am,”
“Yeah me too,”
“It’ll be a great laugh,”
“Yeah I can’t wait.”
Then one of my mates asked me: “Are you going Tony?”
I hesitated and said: “Oh...I don’t know. I’ve not been before. What happens there?”
And my pal replied: “All the girls are dancing. So you just wait until the DJ puts the slow records on and you ask a girl for a slow dance and you start kissing her.”
So I said: “What? You start kissing a girl? In the church hall? In St Mary’s Church Hall? No?”
“Yeah mate!”
So the build-up to this disco intensified and everyone was discussing it.
“Yeah, yeah I’m definitely going,”
“Yeah me too!”
And on the night of the disco, I met up with my friends and we walked up the hill to the church hall laughing and joking.
But when we got to the front door, I was absolutely horrified to discover the football disco was being run by an Irish nun who worked at my school. And she wasn’t pleased to see me either.
“Tony Incenzo! What are you doing here? This is not your cup of tea. I know your mother and you should be at home revising for your exams.”
But I replied: “Oh I just wanted to help out with the fund raising for the new football team. I really like football.”
“Very well then! But I’ll be watching you tonight.”
So I went inside and I just remember how dark it was with the DJ’s lights flashing and ‘We Are Family’ by Sister Sledge blasting out. And all the girls from the rough estate across the road were dancing away on the dance floor.
So I stood with my mates in the corner and we spoke in hushed tones.
“Yeah she’s looking at you,”
“No she’s not,”
“Yes she is!”
When it got to 10 o’clock, the DJ uttered those immortal words:
“And now we’re going to slow things down. We have ‘After The Love Has Gone’ by Earth, Wind and Fire…”
At this point, a wave of panic set in for me. Would I now have to ask a girl for a dance? How would I do it? What would I say?
But before I could think too much about it, a girl from the rough estate charged over and dragged me on to the dancefloor and pulled me close. Without warning, she started kissing me.
This went on for ages and when I finally came up for air I noticed all my mates were engaged in similar dancefloor activities with the girls from the rough estate. So we gave each other the thumbs-up.
But the nun running the disco wasn’t having it! She immediately turned on all the lights and went running round the room viciously prodding the courting couples with a broom handle.
“Tony Incenzo! Get away from that girl! I know your mother. This is disgraceful!”
And she ordered the DJ to turn the music off, the disco was abandoned and we were all sent home in total shame.
Then the next day, there was a loud knock on our front door and the Irish nun was there to talk to my mum.
“Your son was in the church hall last night kissing a girl from the rough estate. This is absolutely disgusting. I cannot condone such terrible behaviour,” she said.
But my mum – who was also Irish - just looked at her and replied: “It’s perfectly normal.”
And she closed the door in the nun’s face.
However, I can report we raised plenty of money for the church football team...
*Credit for the photo in this article belongs to Alamy*
