‘Is this a library?’
So asks away fans at pretty much every ground the moment the atmosphere dips, with Arsenal hearing the enquiry more than most, the Emirates long considered a vast bowl where songs go to die.
Quietest Premier League Stadiums:
- London Stadium - West Ham United
- Vitality Stadium - AFC Bournemouth
- Craven Cottage - Fulham
- Etihad Stadium - Manchester City
- Stamford Bridge - Chelsea
With the Gunners spectacularly rejuvenated under Mikel Arteta however, it’s beginning to feel like an out-dated jibe, and as their team challenge at the summit of the Premier League, it could be argued that the Emirates Stadium has become one of the most boisterous, vibrant arenas in the top-flight.
Which is a lot more than can be said about these five floodlit haunted houses.
5) Stamford Bridge
Really, there is no excuse for it.
In the modern era the Blues regularly possess a fabulous squad replete with superstars, as evidenced by five league titles in the last two decades.
Furthermore, anyone with even a passing knowledge of football is pertinently aware that historically Chelsea have a hardcore of supporters who are, shall we say, volatile.
Add in too, a feeling of being harshly treated when sanctioned during Roman Abramovich’s enforced departure and Stamford Bridge should at the very least have an edge to it, an us-against-the-world mentality.
Instead it’s perfectly possible to take a good book to West London and plough through a few chapters without any fear of interruption.
Could Mauricio Pochettino bring some hostility back to the Bridge?
4) Etihad Stadium
On European nights, or against arch foes such as United or Liverpool, the Etihad Stadium comes alive, a crackling, electric explosion of noise and passion.
Elsewhere, when inferior fare come to town, a pie dropped on the concourse of the Colin Bell Stand can be heard in the Kippax.
The reason for this disparity is understandable to a point, with little jeopardy accompanying Pep Guardiola’s remarkable success meaning fans tend to sit back and be entertained.
Indeed, it often needs a terrible refereeing decision or a shock concession to rile the masses from their theatre-going mindset.
Whether it’s the online betting odds, common sense, or pure gut instinct, we all know Sheffield United are not going to lay a glove on the multiple league winners. Match-goers are no different. Perhaps this is just the price teams pay for such sustained success.
3) Craven Cottage
By some margin, Craven Cottage is the most picturesque ground in the upper echelons of English football, located right next to a swirling Thames and with some of its Archibald Leitch-inspired features still present.
One of its stands is Grade II listed for goodness sake.
It’s lovely all told, a place where the National Trust and sport collide, and perhaps due reverence for the surroundings effects even those who inhabit the ground on a fortnightly basis.
Because if you want to have faint tinnitus on your journey home it’s probably best to head down the road to Brentford.
2) Vitality Stadium
Luton Town’s fairy tale promotion means that Dean Court is no longer the smallest stadium in the Premier League but with a capacity of just 11,300 it’s still bijou, or ‘cosy’ if an estate agent got their hands on it.
Rotherham, Bristol Rovers, Oldham, the list goes on of lower league clubs who have larger dwellings.
Undoubtedly, this greatly explains why sunbathers on Bournemouth beach can relax in peace even on matchdays.
1) London Stadium
According to our football tips, the Hammers no longer have a significant home advantage.
David Moyes’ side sadly cannot rely on vociferous support because ever since the club moved to a cavernous stadia designed for athletics, inevitably the volume has been turned down on the West Ham faithful.
If ever a cautionary tale existed of a club upping sticks from an authentic ground full of history and heart to a soulless spaceship, and the damage subsequently done, it lies in East London.
*Credit for all of the photos in this article belongs to Alamy*
